Today is December 12, 2008 it is currently 11:35 pm as I start this blog. Tomorrow is Lindsey's 16th birthday! What a big day it is going to be! She has been waiting for this day for so long! Our day is filled with things ladies love to do.
At 10:45am we will be arriving at the spa for a full body massage and some much needed relaxation. After that we will need to fit in lunch. Being that is is Lindsey's birthday it is her choice so I can almost guarantee that we will be having Chipolte.....as a matter of fact I would put money on it! Then it is on to the hair salon @ 1pm to get hair cut, colored and styled for the big Sweet Sixteen party that will follow our dinner reservations at Pazzaluna with 10 of Lindsey's closest friends and her family. This has been a work in progress since about the middle of October, or since we booked the limo ( read previous post for info on that ) that won't be happening :(
This day will be one of the happiest yet saddest days for Lindsey. This will be the first birthday that she celebrates with out her mother. What do I do? What do I say to comfort her? I consider Lindsey my daughter and we have an amazing relationship, but I know its just not the same. Earlier this week I thought it would be really special to have a little "shrine" if you will, especially for Carrie ( Lindsey's mom )present at the party. So this afternoon I was on the hunt for something special. I purchased a small black frame for a picture of Lindsey and her mom, along with a small jar candle to set next to a beautiful wood hand carved angel holding a heart that says "Believe"..... I thought that this was just perfect and here's why. Since Carries unexpected passing, Lindsey has a hard time with the thought there her mother could still be present within her spirit. I try to encourage Lindsey often that although she cannot see her, she is here with her. During her times of heartache and even the happy ones I remind her that her mother is watching over her and is so proud of all she has accomplished. She is watching what an amazing young lady Lindsey is turning out to be. One morning this past summer, Lindsey came upstairs and I could instantly tell that she had already been crying. I asked her if everything was ok and she simply said no. The tears started rolling down her precious cheeks and I couldn't help but feel such an immense amount of helplessness. As she told me the story of the dream she had the night before, all I could do was listen and nod my head. Her story began with "I had a nightmare last night." "I dreamt that my mom was right next to me and we were talking, I mean REALLY talking! She was asking me questions about my life and I was answering them the way things are really happening." As she proceeded with telling me the dream, I started to cry along with her and then she said, "I was scared. I could see her and I could hear her. I was really scared." I let Lindsey finish her story and simply said, "Don't be afraid Honey, your mom is your angel and you just have to let yourself Believe." It is hard to comfort her with this, because she is not ready to believe. Sometimes I think that she thinks I am just plain crazy ( more then usual :-) ) when I tell her to open her heart and just let it happen.
My plan is to make Lindsey's birthday the best that I possibly can. Although I cannot bring her mother back, I want her to feel nurtured and comforted by the fact that I love her as if she were my own. The last 10 months have had hardships and it has been a bumpy road at times, but all and all I would have to say that the transition has been quite smooth. Lindsey came into our home with a lot of love in her heart and even more acceptance of things that were not done perfectly in the past. She is an amazing child with a beautiful smile and the kindest heart. She is silly, smart, playful and confident. Lindsey is patient, respectful and loves to make others laugh almost as much as she loves to laugh herself.
Carrie, I know that you watch over her. I DO Believe. Please know that I am and will continue to do my best to help Lindsey open up to the possibility of your presence. She misses you very much and you are always a huge part in her day. Her heart is filled with an everlasting love for you. Her mind and spirit are filled with many incredible memories that the two of you shared together and she shares those stories with us often. Tomorrow will be very hard not having you here to celebrate your little girls birthday. I ask that you squeeze her extra tight for that nightly hug and kiss I know you give her. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that Lindsey "Believes".
God Bless & Warm Regards,
~Jessica
At 10:45am we will be arriving at the spa for a full body massage and some much needed relaxation. After that we will need to fit in lunch. Being that is is Lindsey's birthday it is her choice so I can almost guarantee that we will be having Chipolte.....as a matter of fact I would put money on it! Then it is on to the hair salon @ 1pm to get hair cut, colored and styled for the big Sweet Sixteen party that will follow our dinner reservations at Pazzaluna with 10 of Lindsey's closest friends and her family. This has been a work in progress since about the middle of October, or since we booked the limo ( read previous post for info on that ) that won't be happening :(
This day will be one of the happiest yet saddest days for Lindsey. This will be the first birthday that she celebrates with out her mother. What do I do? What do I say to comfort her? I consider Lindsey my daughter and we have an amazing relationship, but I know its just not the same. Earlier this week I thought it would be really special to have a little "shrine" if you will, especially for Carrie ( Lindsey's mom )present at the party. So this afternoon I was on the hunt for something special. I purchased a small black frame for a picture of Lindsey and her mom, along with a small jar candle to set next to a beautiful wood hand carved angel holding a heart that says "Believe"..... I thought that this was just perfect and here's why. Since Carries unexpected passing, Lindsey has a hard time with the thought there her mother could still be present within her spirit. I try to encourage Lindsey often that although she cannot see her, she is here with her. During her times of heartache and even the happy ones I remind her that her mother is watching over her and is so proud of all she has accomplished. She is watching what an amazing young lady Lindsey is turning out to be. One morning this past summer, Lindsey came upstairs and I could instantly tell that she had already been crying. I asked her if everything was ok and she simply said no. The tears started rolling down her precious cheeks and I couldn't help but feel such an immense amount of helplessness. As she told me the story of the dream she had the night before, all I could do was listen and nod my head. Her story began with "I had a nightmare last night." "I dreamt that my mom was right next to me and we were talking, I mean REALLY talking! She was asking me questions about my life and I was answering them the way things are really happening." As she proceeded with telling me the dream, I started to cry along with her and then she said, "I was scared. I could see her and I could hear her. I was really scared." I let Lindsey finish her story and simply said, "Don't be afraid Honey, your mom is your angel and you just have to let yourself Believe." It is hard to comfort her with this, because she is not ready to believe. Sometimes I think that she thinks I am just plain crazy ( more then usual :-) ) when I tell her to open her heart and just let it happen.
My plan is to make Lindsey's birthday the best that I possibly can. Although I cannot bring her mother back, I want her to feel nurtured and comforted by the fact that I love her as if she were my own. The last 10 months have had hardships and it has been a bumpy road at times, but all and all I would have to say that the transition has been quite smooth. Lindsey came into our home with a lot of love in her heart and even more acceptance of things that were not done perfectly in the past. She is an amazing child with a beautiful smile and the kindest heart. She is silly, smart, playful and confident. Lindsey is patient, respectful and loves to make others laugh almost as much as she loves to laugh herself.
Carrie, I know that you watch over her. I DO Believe. Please know that I am and will continue to do my best to help Lindsey open up to the possibility of your presence. She misses you very much and you are always a huge part in her day. Her heart is filled with an everlasting love for you. Her mind and spirit are filled with many incredible memories that the two of you shared together and she shares those stories with us often. Tomorrow will be very hard not having you here to celebrate your little girls birthday. I ask that you squeeze her extra tight for that nightly hug and kiss I know you give her. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that Lindsey "Believes".
God Bless & Warm Regards,
~Jessica
1 comment:
Sounds like you have a pretty amazing day planned. Have fun! She will believe when she's ready. Yes she does think that you're crazy LOL! But don't we all. Now you're making me regret not doing something really BIG for my oldest princess when she turnt 16 in Oct :(! I mean we took her and her siblings to the beach, but hey she said she was happy with that. We were suppose to our verison of the MTV Sweet sixteen show, but she sid she didn't want alot of drama at her party. ok dang it I guess I'll have to pay for her nails to be redone the next few times LOL!
Take care and enjoy your day with your daughter!
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